weird sort of ache
I’m not sure what’s easier, to lose track of who you are or never know to begin with. I’m pretty sure that I’ve lost track of the lost track. For years I invested more into a video game than real life. Whenever I finally stopped I had dreams about the game. I still dream about it. You can’t do something for years and merely forget about it. It sticks with you. I started believing that I was not a social person in order to stay on the computer deep into the nights I should have been meeting people or reckoning the earth like Walt Whitman advised. Once, during my senior year of high school my best friend and I took a bike ride and plunged down a long, steep hill. I could hear him yelling behind me, “This makes you know you’re alive!” I had a weird sort of ache. I had been standing on the outside of it for a long time.
