Sickness
there’s been quite a few times that I attempted to make myself sick. sometimes I like feeling sick, because when I’m sick, I don’t have the motivation to even think about all the things that always wind up getting me into trouble. things get me into trouble quite a lot. but when I get sick, I somehow become a better, more clearheaded person. when i’m laying there feeling genuinely rotten I wind up thinking about my life and everything. I think about people that have been really great to me. I guess it doesn’t help that I live cadaverously alone. When you live alone you try to run away from thinking about those things. sometimes i’ll go crazy trying to run from thinking about who I am until I’ve got nothing left and then i’m stuck in my room feeling like i’m in some kind of midnight fog again. but then I realize I like who I am, and I wonder why I ever tried to run from it.
